(RNN) - We've hardly scratched the surface of the conference season. We haven't had a really good, skull-busting league game yet, where the cheerleaders cry if you lose. This week is no exception. But there are still plenty of reasons to sit on the couch from morning until late in the evening with remote in hand and a cooler at your feet.
Missouri at UCF, Noon, FSN
We're beginning to wonder if this Missouri outfit is SEC material. Mannerly SEC schools are far too refined and dignified to travel to play lower-level ruffians like UCF on the Knights' home field.
My stars. It's as shameful a breach of Southern etiquette as wearing white after Labor Day or serving a mint julep without a doily.
We understand Missouri is located in the barren, cold country of the stark Midwest where there's nary a magnolia to be seen. A trip to Orlando in September is like a cute, little bowl game for its fans, bless their hearts, they're so precious.
But here in the SEC, dears, we just win so many games we get invited to a bowl game, after the season as God intended, and we take a week off from work, like proper fans of a proper team.
You're new, so we're going to look the other way this time, but honey, you had better beat the eyes right out of these peoples' heads or you'll never get into a "good" sorority.
Arkansas at Texas A&M, 12:21 p.m., SEC Network
The Hog Nightmare continues. Soon to be former interim head coach John L. Smith, in a depressing attempt to rally the troops earlier this week, gave a pep talk to a bunch of Arkansas boosters and told them it was time to regroup, circle the wagons, take ‘em one game at a time because we're all in this together and then he really, no kidding, said, "Don't give up on our players, don't give up on us, it's a state of Alabama program…"
Audible gasps from the audience. (You can't make this stuff up. Look at the video, right up there to the right.)
Arkansas and Alabama both start with "A" and wear red. After that, the resemblance ceases.
Texas A&M is fun. It has that crazy-cool freshman quarterback who runs all over the place and throws footballs a mile. Arkansas QB Tyler Wilson, healthy at last, does not play defense and that's where the Razorbacks really need help. The Aggies are a pretty sure bet to pick up their first conference win. Tune in late in the game to watch the fan frenzy erupt in College Station.
Tennessee at Georgia, 3:30 p.m., CBS
Tennessee could wash all that awful home-loss-to-Florida stench right out of its hair with an astonishing road win, which would also turn the race for the SEC East title into The Hunger Games.
Don't count on it. But I still say there's a lot to like about the Vols. The offense is excellent, and Derek Dooley is fighting for his life. Desperate times sometimes bring on amazing upsets.
And sometimes, they don't.
South Carolina at Kentucky, 7 p.m., ESPN/ESPN2
Kentucky got waxed 38-0 last week at Florida and now faces No. 6 South Carolina. The Gamecocks defense has two of the best books in the league with Jadevon Clowney and Devin Taylor. Quarterback Connor Shaw was more accurate than a predator drone against Missouri last week, hitting 20 straight passes.
The slow walk to the end of the Joker Phillips era continues. I hope Kentucky can score, at least.
Towson at LSU, 7 p.m., ESPNU
Really, LSU?
Mississippi at Alabama, 9:15 p.m., ESPN/ESPN2
Nick Saban has been playing his team a tape of Tim Tebow's "This will never happen again" speech when Tebow quarterbacked the heavily favored, undefeated Florida team that shockingly got clobbered on its home field by Mississippi.
The idea is, it shouldn't take a loss for you to rededicate yourself to the relentless, excellent crushing of overmatched foes. Don't wait on the alarm clock for your wakeup call. Remember, you let Florida Atlantic score on you last week. Kill, kill, kill.
Mississippi is rebuilding, has a cool quarterback and a few interesting players sprinkled through the lineup. They're digging up Jimmy Hoffa as we speak, so anything can happen.
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