Line King likes home teams, contrarian picks this week - Tucson News Now

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Line King likes home teams, contrarian picks this week

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  • AlabamaMore>>

  • No. 2 Alabama Rolls past West Virginia 33-23

    No. 2 Alabama Rolls past West Virginia 33-23

    Saturday, August 30 2014 7:38 PM EDT2014-08-30 23:38:00 GMT
    (Source: WSFA 12 News)(Source: WSFA 12 News)
    It might have been ugly, but the Alabama Crimson Tide walked off the field victorious at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta. The Crimson Tide defeated the West Virginia Mountaineers by a score of 33-23. The two
    It might have been ugly, but the Alabama Crimson Tide walked off the field victorious at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta. The Crimson Tide defeated the West Virginia Mountaineers by a score of 33-23.
  • Sims starts, finishes, Alabama beats WVU, 33-23

    Sims starts, finishes, Alabama beats WVU, 33-23

    Saturday, August 30 2014 7:30 PM EDT2014-08-30 23:30:24 GMT
    Blake Sims was good enough to finish his first start at quarterback for Alabama, getting plenty of help from Amari Cooper, T.J. Yeldon and Derrick Henry, and the second-ranked Crimson Tide held off West Virginia...
    Blake Sims was good enough to finish his first start at quarterback for Alabama, getting plenty of help from Amari Cooper, T.J. Yeldon and Derrick Henry, and the second-ranked Crimson Tide held off West Virginia 33-23...
  • No. 2 Alabama takes on West Virginia in season opener

    No. 2 Alabama takes on West Virginia in season opener

    Saturday, August 30 2014 11:30 AM EDT2014-08-30 15:30:54 GMT
    Let's look at the facts. The Alabama Crimson Tide team has won three national championships in the past five seasons. They have dominated college football with the most wins of any team since 2008, and
    Alabama's 2014 season starts on Saturday in Atlanta, Georgia when the No. 2 ranked Crimson Tide takes on the West Virginia Mountaineers. The Tide will look to bounce back in 2014 and make a run for another national championship.
  • South CarolinaMore>>

  • Reports: Connor Shaw cut by Browns

    Reports: Connor Shaw cut by Browns

    Saturday, August 30 2014 3:53 PM EDT2014-08-30 19:53:44 GMT
    The Cleveland Browns cut former South Carolina quarterback Connor Shaw, nationalfootballpost.com is reporting. Shaw was a Gamecock standout who lead the team as a starter, including a perfect 17-0 record
    The Cleveland Browns cut former South Carolina quarterback Connor Shaw from the team roster but has likely earned a spot on their practice squad.
  • USC women's basketball 2014-15 schedule released

    USC women's basketball 2014-15 schedule released

    Friday, August 29 2014 5:05 PM EDT2014-08-29 21:05:33 GMT
    South Carolina women's basketball head coach Dawn Staley announced Friday the team's 29-game schedule for 2014-15, which features 19 games against teams that participated in a 2014 postseason tournament,
    South Carolina women's basketball head coach Dawn Staley announced Friday the team's 29-game schedule for 2014-15, which features 19 games against teams that participated in a 2014 postseason tournament,
  • No Johnny? No problem: Aggies shred Gamecocks' defense in rout

    No Johnny? No problem: Aggies shred Gamecocks' defense in rout

    Friday, August 29 2014 11:24 AM EDT2014-08-29 15:24:28 GMT
    It had all the makings of another showout game for the South Carolina Gamecocks: the bright TV lights of the SEC Network, a hot new rivalry, and a Thursday night game. It was not. South Carolina's loss
    It had all the makings of another showout game for the South Carolina Gamecocks: the bright TV lights of the SEC Network, a hot new rivalry, and a Thursday night game. It was not.

The following column is satire and intended for entertainment purposes.

(RNN) - Week 5, and what a week it was for Alabama. Is Nick $aban leaving or staying? Has Texas contacted him or not? Why would he go? Why would he stay?

What does he eat for breakfast? Two Little Debbie snack cakes, every single day? How weird is he, anyway? Why does anyone care?

This whole $aban-to-Texas thing and $aban himself have been analyzed more than a Stanley Kubrick film, and The Line King is, quite frankly, tired of it.

Focus, people!

The Line King views college football teams with the sort of dispassion that commodities brokers regard pork bellies and orange juice futures. The Line King is focused, and just look at his ROI:

Week Four: 6-3-1

Season: 23-17-1

Games of Sept. 28

South Carolina @ UCF +7.5: UCF Check List…stomp Akron, check; stomp FIU, check; stomp Penn State, check…wait, what? Pundits say never go against The Visor so The Line King will.

South Alabama @ Tennessee -19: Really, just 19 points against a program that is about three weeks old? How far have the Vols fallen? With a win, this gives Tennessee the inside edge for their first Sun Belt Conference title and a spot in the R+L Carriers Bowl.

LSU @ Georgia -3: In the ultimate contrarian play, take the Hedges over the Bayou. It's the antithesis of the classic "sandwich" game. The Dawgs laid an egg last week and have a cream-puff schedule from here on out; and please, all of you Tennessee fans don't say a thing.

Mississippi @ Alabama -16.5: Again, classic contrarian play. Everyone loves Hugh Freezer, and the Black Bear is all giddy about returning to the Cotton Bowl. No one, and I mean no one, outside of the 205, 334 and 251 area codes likes Bammer, so take the Tide.

Florida @ Kentucky +14.5: At some point Kentucky has to cover against an $EC team, right?

FAU @ Rice -13.5: Rice gets a second chance after the greatest onside kick ever.

Texas A&M @ Arkansas +3: Arkansas' loss to Rutgers last week fully debunked the theory that $EC teams are manned by superior human beings. Mike $live sent out his official warning letter to the Hogs.

Arkansas St. @ Missouri -21.5: Missouri proved last week it can pretend to be an $EC team when the $live-heat is on to perform.

UAB @ Vanderbilt -19.5: Although UA's B team is still in the running for the FCS playoffs, The Line King will sit with the Vandy fan this weekend. Goodness knows, he needs some moral support having gone 1-3 against the number so far this season.

Wyoming @ Texas State +10.5: Ironically, Texas State is coached by former Bammer coach Dennis Franchione (remember those two years?), who resigned from Bammer for Texas A&M… hmmmm.

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