Couch Potato: Desperate football teams make for riveting TV - Tucson News Now

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Couch Potato: Desperate football teams collide, a viewer's delight

Trovon Reed made this picturesque grab in Auburn's Oct. 13 rout of Western Carolina. He and the Tigers travel to Texas A&M on Saturday. (Source: Todd Van Emst/Auburn Athletics) Trovon Reed made this picturesque grab in Auburn's Oct. 13 rout of Western Carolina. He and the Tigers travel to Texas A&M on Saturday. (Source: Todd Van Emst/Auburn Athletics)
  • AlabamaMore>>

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    Wednesday, August 27 2014 9:18 PM EDT2014-08-28 01:18:10 GMT
    The Heisman Trophy has gone to a virtual unknown for the last few years - this list could prove that trend falls apart in 2014. 
    The Heisman Trophy has gone to a virtual unknown for the last few years - this list could prove that trend falls apart in 2014. 
  • Couch Potato: South Carolina debut highlights football season return

    Couch Potato: South Carolina debut highlights football season return

    Wednesday, August 27 2014 6:00 PM EDT2014-08-27 22:00:28 GMT
    Football season begins Thursday with a couple of SEC games - the excellent Texas A&M at South Carolina pairing, and Temple visits Vanderbilt in a less scintillating matchup.

    Football season begins Thursday with a couple of SEC games - the excellent Texas A&M at South Carolina pairing, and Temple visits Vanderbilt in a less scintillating matchup.

  • Heisman Trophy could go to unhyped player

    Heisman Trophy could go to unhyped player

    Tuesday, August 26 2014 10:28 AM EDT2014-08-26 14:28:01 GMT

    In the last two seasons, college football's premier award has gone to players who had never taken a single snap in a college game prior to the start of their Heisman-winning seasons. This year, it could happen again.

    In the last two seasons, college football's premier award has gone to players who had never taken a single snap in a college game prior to the start of their Heisman-winning seasons. This year, it could happen again.

  • South CarolinaMore>>

  • Heisman favorites are all chalk in 2014

    Heisman favorites are all chalk in 2014

    Wednesday, August 27 2014 9:18 PM EDT2014-08-28 01:18:10 GMT
    The Heisman Trophy has gone to a virtual unknown for the last few years - this list could prove that trend falls apart in 2014. 
    The Heisman Trophy has gone to a virtual unknown for the last few years - this list could prove that trend falls apart in 2014. 
  • Where to watch the SEC Network

    Where to watch the SEC Network

    Wednesday, August 27 2014 8:35 PM EDT2014-08-28 00:35:34 GMT
    The Southeastern Conference and ESPN have signed a 20-year agreement through 2034 to create and operate a multiplatform network which will launch August 14, 2014. The new network and its accompanying
    The Southeastern Conference and ESPN have signed a 20-year agreement through 2034 to create and operate a multiplatform network which will launch August 14, 2014.
  • Traffic and parking information for Gamecocks home opener

    Traffic and parking information for Gamecocks home opener

    Wednesday, August 27 2014 6:19 PM EDT2014-08-27 22:19:40 GMT
    A 6 p.m. kickoff for the South Carolina Gamecocks on a day when thousands of people already in downtown Columbia for the workday can mean serious traffic and parking problems.More than 80,000 football
    A 6 p.m. kickoff for the South Carolina Gamecocks on a day with thousands of people already in downtown Columbia for the workday can mean serious traffic and parking problems.

(RNN) - We approach the sorrowful time of the season where the bent bearers of broken dreams trudge on with nothing left to strive for but the sorry satisfaction of inflicting their own hopelessness and regret on others.

It's the epic search for meaning in a broken world. It's life in the belly of the beast. It's Week 8 in the Southeastern Conference.

On the upside, it's top-notch entertainment. So order a pizza and dig, if you will, the magnificent despair of all humanity - and teams with two or more losses and a half a season to play.

This week, we quote O Brother Where Art Thou? at the conclusion of each game summary. Why?

Because the South, the Depression, trains, Dapper Dan hair pomade, the devil himself and George Clooney, that's why.

The Soggy Bottom Boys: I am a man of constant sorrow. I seen trouble all my days.

Georgia at Vanderbilt

Noon, ET, CBS

Two teams with horrible defenses and nothing to lose promise lots o' points and an excellent reason to get up before noon.

Georgia's season got derailed when Missouri handed the Dawgs their second loss, meaning their national title hopes are now slimmer than Denise Richards

Aaron Murray has been a warrior through these dark weeks of injury and an unsupportive defense. He has thrown for 1,824 yards and 17 TDs this year, but even the noble Murray can't win SEC games without his war-torn runners, ankle-sprained Todd Gurley and ACL-damaged Keith Marshall. Two of his best receivers are hurt, and so is a starting safety, but the defense is so bad, you can't tell. Missouri turned up the heat on him last week and there wasn't a lot he could do but take shots and get back up.

A cool drink of Vandy's defense might be just the thing - the Commodores are allowing 35 points per game. You don't have to be Vince Lombardi to figure out they'll zero in on Murray, too.

Vandy gave up 51 to Missouri and is on the brink of tumbling into the world of the sub .500s.

Coach James Franklin has yet to win a game against a ranked opponent, which Georgia is. WR Jordan Matthews is one of the league's best with 47 catches for 709 yards, accounting for 45.4 percent of QB Austyn Carta-Samuels' 1,561 passing yards. But he has a bad habit of throwing it to the wrong team at in opportune times.

Delmar: Them syreens did this to Pete! They loved him up and turnt him into a horny toad!

South Carolina at Tennessee

Noon, ET, ESPN

Last week at Arkansas, South Carolina unleashed the sort of ruthless annihilation we've been waiting for all season. The Gamecocks have all kinds of talent, but have been Congress-like in their unorganized, lethargic approach to things.

Offense has not really been the problem. Mike Davis has been a young destroyer from Day 1. Connor Shaw is a good quarterback when he does what he ought to do and the OL is a sparky crew.

And at last, the defense is back in play, because evidently rap superstar sports agent Jay Z told Jadeveon Clowney to Show Me What You Got, be a Monster and Run This Town.

If USC does what it can, this one could get as ugly as those gray uniforms the Tennesseans wore against Georgia.

But then again, maybe not. The wily Vol is nothing if not unpredictable.

Big Dan Teague: Thank you boys for throwin' in that fricassee. I'm a man of large appetite, and even with lunch under my belt, I was feelin' a mite peckish.

Florida at Missouri

12:21 p.m., ET, SEC TV

This one suddenly got really interesting. Mizzou had tape on its glasses and the tough boys stole its lunch money last year, but now those Midwestern interlopers are a second-year, SEC sensation. After fattening up on a weak early schedule, they romped on Vanderbilt and Georgia and now they're undefeated, leading the East Division and all the girls want to be their girlfriends.

The Tigers got a memorable win over UGA last week, but the amazing James Franklin did something to his shoulder and it looks like he's toast for the foreseeable future. That leaves freshman Maty Mauk to take snaps against No. 22 Florida, whose mortal soul is in jeopardy after losing to LSU.

Mauk's a good hand - just inexperienced. That's not a good thing to be against Florida's defense, which is still pretty stout, even with all those injuries.

The Gators defense needs to be good. The offense is horrid. If Mizzou wins this one, you've got be thinking, "Can these people win the East?"

Homer Stokes: Is you is, or is you ain't, my constituency?

Auburn at Texas A&M

3:30 p.m., ET, CBS

Auburn's going to start Nick Marshall at QB against Manziel and Them. But Jeremy Johnson is going to play, said Gus Malzahn, and he might as well. The kid burned a redshirt last week when he took over for a dinged-up Marshall in a light scrimmage against Western Carolina.

He  had a nice game, too - four touchdowns and 201 yards. He gives the Tigers an interesting, new dimension, especially since Marshall has just been adequate, nothing flashy.

Texas A&M eased by Ole Miss last week, with J. Football mounting a big, old comeback in the fourth quarter like he did the year before against the Anarchistic Dusky Ursines. Auburn's got enough offense to light up the wretched Aggie defense.

It would be a major win for rebuilding Auburn, whose ebullient fan base is making noise like the Tigers might yet be a player in the West race. We'll see.

George Nelson: Cows! I hate cows worse than coppers!

[Opens fire on them with Tommy gun]

Delmar: Oh, George... not the livestock.

The other ones: Since bear-baiting is not legal anymore, why not watch Arkansas play Alabama at 7 p.m. on ESPN? And you can flip back and forth between LSU visiting Ole Miss, which kicks off at 7 p.m. on ESPN2, and visualize the West Division showdown to occur in Tuscaloosa on Nov. 9 when the two titans collide.

Big Dan Teague: So long, boys. See you in the funny papers.

Copyright 2013 Raycom News Network. All rights reserved.

  • Southeastern ConferenceMore>>

  • Heisman favorites are all chalk in 2014

    Heisman favorites are all chalk in 2014

    Wednesday, August 27 2014 9:18 PM EDT2014-08-28 01:18:10 GMT
    The Heisman Trophy has gone to a virtual unknown for the last few years - this list could prove that trend falls apart in 2014. 
    The Heisman Trophy has gone to a virtual unknown for the last few years - this list could prove that trend falls apart in 2014. 
  • Auburn, Oregon dealing with key injuries

    Auburn, Oregon dealing with key injuries

    Wednesday, August 27 2014 9:49 AM EDT2014-08-27 13:49:45 GMT
    By RALPH D. RUSSO AP College Football Writer Braxton Miller's season-ending shoulder injury has the potential to shake up the national title race, leaving a loaded Ohio State team without one...
    By RALPH D. RUSSO AP College Football Writer Braxton Miller's season-ending shoulder injury has the potential to shake up the national title race, leaving a loaded Ohio State team without one of the...
  • Malzahn: Johnson will start for Auburn at QB

    Malzahn: Johnson will start for Auburn at QB

    Tuesday, August 26 2014 2:49 PM EDT2014-08-26 18:49:21 GMT
    Jeremy Johnson will be No. 6 Auburn's starting quarterback against Arkansas, and Nick Marshall will play in the game at some point.
    Jeremy Johnson will be No. 6 Auburn's starting quarterback against Arkansas, and Nick Marshall will play in the game at some point.
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