Couch Potato: Desperate football teams make for riveting TV - Tucson News Now

Couch Potato: Desperate football teams collide, a viewer's delight

Trovon Reed made this picturesque grab in Auburn's Oct. 13 rout of Western Carolina. He and the Tigers travel to Texas A&M on Saturday. (Source: Todd Van Emst/Auburn Athletics) Trovon Reed made this picturesque grab in Auburn's Oct. 13 rout of Western Carolina. He and the Tigers travel to Texas A&M on Saturday. (Source: Todd Van Emst/Auburn Athletics)
  • South CarolinaMore>>

  • Six runs in the 6th power South Carolina over Davidson

    Six runs in the 6th power South Carolina over Davidson

    Tuesday, April 22 2014 11:12 PM EDT2014-04-23 03:12:42 GMT
    Eighth ranked South Carolina broke open a one-run game with six runs in the bottom of the sixth inning and five Gamecock pitchers combined for a six-hit shutout in an 8-0 victory over Davidson on Tuesday
    Eighth ranked South Carolina broke open a one-run game with six runs in the bottom of the sixth inning and five Gamecock pitchers combined for a six-hit shutout in an 8-0 victory over Davidson on Tuesday night in non-conference action at Carolina Stadium.
  • Gamecocks drop 2014 National Championship to Georgia in tiebreaker

    Gamecocks drop 2014 National Championship to Georgia in tiebreaker

    Sunday, April 20 2014 10:03 AM EDT2014-04-20 14:03:55 GMT
    (Source: Facebook) (Source: Facebook)
    WACO, Texas - No. 1 South Carolina's bid for a third overall national championship fell short on Saturday, as the Gamecocks lost the championship meet in a tiebreaker to the University of Georgia at the
    WACO, Texas - No. 1 South Carolina's bid for a third overall national championship fell short on Saturday, as the Gamecocks lost the championship meet in a tiebreaker to the University of Georgia at the
  • Gamecocks rally in 9th for 3-2 win over Auburn

    Gamecocks rally in 9th for 3-2 win over Auburn

    Sunday, April 20 2014 9:57 AM EDT2014-04-20 13:57:11 GMT
    AUBURN, ALA. – Down a run entering the ninth inning, sixth ranked South Carolina stormed back with a pair of runs on RBI hits from freshmen Gene Cone and Jordan Gore to defeat Auburn 3-2 on Saturday in
    AUBURN, ALA. – Down a run entering the ninth inning, sixth ranked South Carolina stormed back with a pair of runs on RBI hits from freshmen Gene Cone and Jordan Gore to defeat Auburn 3-2 on Saturday in
  • LSUMore>>

  • LSU adds home-and-home series with Syracuse

    LSU adds home-and-home series with Syracuse

    Wednesday, April 16 2014 11:46 PM EDT2014-04-17 03:46:13 GMT
    From LSU Sports BATON ROUGE –LSU has added a home-and-home series with Syracuse in football starting with a game at the Carrier Dome in 2015, LSU Vice Chancellor and Director of Athletics Joe Alleva
    LSU football has added a home-and-home series with Syracuse starting in 2015. LSU also announced that the Tigers will open the 2015 season against McNeese State in Tiger Stadium.
  • ESPN to televise LSU-Wisconsin game in Houston

    ESPN to televise LSU-Wisconsin game in Houston

    Wednesday, April 16 2014 11:30 PM EDT2014-04-17 03:30:36 GMT
    From LSU Sports BATON ROUGE – LSU's season-opener against Wisconsin on Aug. 30 at Reliant Stadium in Houston will kickoff at 8 p.m. CT and will be televised by ESPN, the Southeastern Conference and the
    LSU's season-opener against Wisconsin on Aug. 30 at Reliant Stadium in Houston will kickoff at 8 p.m. CT and will be televised by ESPN.
  • Tigers perform drills for coaches at LSU Pro Day

    Tigers perform drills for coaches at LSU Pro Day

    Wednesday, April 9 2014 5:30 PM EDT2014-04-09 21:30:55 GMT
    With the NFL draft a month away, the LSU football players looking to move on to the next level are down to few opportunities left to show teams their worth. LSU reported 17 players from the 2013 squad
    With the NFL draft a month away, the LSU football players looking to move on to the next level are down to few opportunities left to show teams their worth.

(RNN) - We approach the sorrowful time of the season where the bent bearers of broken dreams trudge on with nothing left to strive for but the sorry satisfaction of inflicting their own hopelessness and regret on others.

It's the epic search for meaning in a broken world. It's life in the belly of the beast. It's Week 8 in the Southeastern Conference.

On the upside, it's top-notch entertainment. So order a pizza and dig, if you will, the magnificent despair of all humanity - and teams with two or more losses and a half a season to play.

This week, we quote O Brother Where Art Thou? at the conclusion of each game summary. Why?

Because the South, the Depression, trains, Dapper Dan hair pomade, the devil himself and George Clooney, that's why.

The Soggy Bottom Boys: I am a man of constant sorrow. I seen trouble all my days.

Georgia at Vanderbilt

Noon, ET, CBS

Two teams with horrible defenses and nothing to lose promise lots o' points and an excellent reason to get up before noon.

Georgia's season got derailed when Missouri handed the Dawgs their second loss, meaning their national title hopes are now slimmer than Denise Richards

Aaron Murray has been a warrior through these dark weeks of injury and an unsupportive defense. He has thrown for 1,824 yards and 17 TDs this year, but even the noble Murray can't win SEC games without his war-torn runners, ankle-sprained Todd Gurley and ACL-damaged Keith Marshall. Two of his best receivers are hurt, and so is a starting safety, but the defense is so bad, you can't tell. Missouri turned up the heat on him last week and there wasn't a lot he could do but take shots and get back up.

A cool drink of Vandy's defense might be just the thing - the Commodores are allowing 35 points per game. You don't have to be Vince Lombardi to figure out they'll zero in on Murray, too.

Vandy gave up 51 to Missouri and is on the brink of tumbling into the world of the sub .500s.

Coach James Franklin has yet to win a game against a ranked opponent, which Georgia is. WR Jordan Matthews is one of the league's best with 47 catches for 709 yards, accounting for 45.4 percent of QB Austyn Carta-Samuels' 1,561 passing yards. But he has a bad habit of throwing it to the wrong team at in opportune times.

Delmar: Them syreens did this to Pete! They loved him up and turnt him into a horny toad!

South Carolina at Tennessee

Noon, ET, ESPN

Last week at Arkansas, South Carolina unleashed the sort of ruthless annihilation we've been waiting for all season. The Gamecocks have all kinds of talent, but have been Congress-like in their unorganized, lethargic approach to things.

Offense has not really been the problem. Mike Davis has been a young destroyer from Day 1. Connor Shaw is a good quarterback when he does what he ought to do and the OL is a sparky crew.

And at last, the defense is back in play, because evidently rap superstar sports agent Jay Z told Jadeveon Clowney to Show Me What You Got, be a Monster and Run This Town.

If USC does what it can, this one could get as ugly as those gray uniforms the Tennesseans wore against Georgia.

But then again, maybe not. The wily Vol is nothing if not unpredictable.

Big Dan Teague: Thank you boys for throwin' in that fricassee. I'm a man of large appetite, and even with lunch under my belt, I was feelin' a mite peckish.

Florida at Missouri

12:21 p.m., ET, SEC TV

This one suddenly got really interesting. Mizzou had tape on its glasses and the tough boys stole its lunch money last year, but now those Midwestern interlopers are a second-year, SEC sensation. After fattening up on a weak early schedule, they romped on Vanderbilt and Georgia and now they're undefeated, leading the East Division and all the girls want to be their girlfriends.

The Tigers got a memorable win over UGA last week, but the amazing James Franklin did something to his shoulder and it looks like he's toast for the foreseeable future. That leaves freshman Maty Mauk to take snaps against No. 22 Florida, whose mortal soul is in jeopardy after losing to LSU.

Mauk's a good hand - just inexperienced. That's not a good thing to be against Florida's defense, which is still pretty stout, even with all those injuries.

The Gators defense needs to be good. The offense is horrid. If Mizzou wins this one, you've got be thinking, "Can these people win the East?"

Homer Stokes: Is you is, or is you ain't, my constituency?

Auburn at Texas A&M

3:30 p.m., ET, CBS

Auburn's going to start Nick Marshall at QB against Manziel and Them. But Jeremy Johnson is going to play, said Gus Malzahn, and he might as well. The kid burned a redshirt last week when he took over for a dinged-up Marshall in a light scrimmage against Western Carolina.

He  had a nice game, too - four touchdowns and 201 yards. He gives the Tigers an interesting, new dimension, especially since Marshall has just been adequate, nothing flashy.

Texas A&M eased by Ole Miss last week, with J. Football mounting a big, old comeback in the fourth quarter like he did the year before against the Anarchistic Dusky Ursines. Auburn's got enough offense to light up the wretched Aggie defense.

It would be a major win for rebuilding Auburn, whose ebullient fan base is making noise like the Tigers might yet be a player in the West race. We'll see.

George Nelson: Cows! I hate cows worse than coppers!

[Opens fire on them with Tommy gun]

Delmar: Oh, George... not the livestock.

The other ones: Since bear-baiting is not legal anymore, why not watch Arkansas play Alabama at 7 p.m. on ESPN? And you can flip back and forth between LSU visiting Ole Miss, which kicks off at 7 p.m. on ESPN2, and visualize the West Division showdown to occur in Tuscaloosa on Nov. 9 when the two titans collide.

Big Dan Teague: So long, boys. See you in the funny papers.

Copyright 2013 Raycom News Network. All rights reserved.

  • Southeastern ConferenceMore>>

  • Bama, Auburn, Mizzou hold spring games

    Bama, Auburn, Mizzou hold spring games

    Friday, April 18 2014 12:47 PM EDT2014-04-18 16:47:53 GMT
    (RNN) - Three more SEC teams have their spring football games on Saturday, April 19 as the spring practice season winds down. Auburn's A-Day Game will be televised on ESPN at 3 p.m. ET. The Tigers will
    Auburn, Alabama and Missouri will finish up spring practice with spring games. Auburn and the Crimson Tide will have their A-Day games televised.
  • Missouri dismisses WR Green-Beckham from team

    Missouri dismisses WR Green-Beckham from team

    Missouri wide receiver Dorial Green-Beckham, once heralded as the No. 1 recruit in the nation out of high school, has been kicked off the team.
    Missouri decided enough was enough.
  • Review: Mizzou didn't follow federal assault rules

    Review: Mizzou didn't follow federal assault rules

    An independent report says the University of Missouri failed to follow parts of the federal law that governs sexual harassment when handling the case of a former swimmer's suicide.
    An independent report released Friday says the University of Missouri failed to follow parts of the federal law that governs sexual harassment on campus when handling the case of a former swimmer's suicide.
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